BREAKING NEW DEVELOPMENTS FROM THE FRONTLINE:Jimmy John's has decided to deploy sentinels into my Gaza strip. I did not forsee being flanked by the downtown location by my office, but someone in our production department I can only guess, went rogue and let the enemy into base. Why did I stop reading Churchill's memoirs? This could have all been prevented.
I lost a lot of good men today. Every person mindlessly stuffing free sandwiches into their face might have well been stuffing mustard drizzled bayonets into my back. But I held true to my oath. I stared down the barrel of a ham & cheese sub and dared her to pull the trigger. I would rather die on this foreign beach with my convictions and with my brothers than choke down a sandwich filled with mayonnaise and Al Qaeda.
She urged me to cave, and I would not, sir. Defeated, this Trojan horse hussy, tucked her sandwich back into her box and shlumped back over into enemy territory. Freedom prevailed today. Unlike an Italian vinagrette, these colors don't run.
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